A 2017 welcome message is written across the sunset of 2016. Endings are beginnings. As the credits of 2016 roll, you can’t help but reminisce. You’ll either smile or bark out a ‘good riddance’. For many, it is hardly a case of either…or…There were victories here and there but still, defeats and beat downs managed to raise their big and stubborn heads.
For me, there were moments I wanted to live forever in and others that brought me to a boil and filled me with pangs of disappointment. With celebration and regret, you summon a brave face and trudge to 2017.
You are no longer the innocent kid who used to subscribe to the ‘New year, New Me’ platitude. You are a grown up, with a beard or two, humbled by life. You know resolutions are a tricky affair. This ending year, I actually had one resolution, quite a simple one. I just wanted to know the difference between osmolarity and osmolality. My ninjas will attest to how I have struggled with this thing. Neither acronyms nor the biggest of pharmaceutical books could come to my rescue. With just a few hours to 2017, I still can’t put a daylight between these two terms. You are welcome to tell my dad that he sold his cows to educate another cow, one with two legs this time. Please, don’t tell Dr. Matiang’i about this.
With the winds blowing the sands of time to 2017, you are seated with your family in the living room after the evening meal. I don’t know whether it is called supper or dinner. This time, the family is bigger than the usual quota of three because your aunts, nephews, and nieces are visiting. You are having a family meeting of sorts. Everyone is sharing their resolutions. My turn comes and I regale the society with big talk of career, entrepreneurship, and altruism. You make sure it an artful show of passion. Everyone is the room is enthused by how this recent graduate is well articulate but your aunts. With those ‘Baba Anatosha’ lesos wrapped around their waists, all they want to hear is “This year I’ll look for a wife”. They don’t say it but their eyes do. No, thank you.
A wife? Not yet. You wonder why…
You know so well of my imbroglio (Yes, I used that word) with the chief’s daughter. The one I allegedly inflated. She is casting a huge, dark and pregnant shadow over my life. I can’t move to the next order of business until I manage to free myself from such tentacles. After my ‘kumwaga nje’ defense was inadmissible in the village court of law, I had to hire legal counsel. Since then, my army of lawyers (My old man and my sister) have been brandishing terms like paternity test, injunctions, and subpoenas whilst the chief’s daughter’s excuse of advocates have been flapping their gums to the sound of terms like ‘child support’. The blunt fact of the matter is that I can’t afford a paternity test until Sportpesa responds to my coquetry. In the meantime, my legal think tank is buying time by engaging in side shows like paying off village drunkards to take responsibility for the chief’s daughter’s pregnancy. Oh…And it’s working.
Furthermore, I don’t have an appropriate keja at home. You all know of my famed circular, windowless and grass thatched mud hut. The one with old newspapers on the walls as decoration. But wait…It has electricity and tap water. Alar! (The government is overworking). I need to transform my keja to keja 2.0 before I can bring someone home.
I also have to throw about the ‘I’m not ready’ weary line. I am not ready to come home in the evening only to find a female spitting fire and in a ‘this means war’ attitude just because I left my toothbrush facing a whole 180 degrees away from hers in the toothbrush container. Not now.
No to resolutions. No to wife. No to the chief’s daughter.
But, I can make one simple resolution for 2017.
I know the conditions on this site have been below average on a good day. You have been reading articles while sitting on wooden stools. That will change effective immediately. From now on, this site will be furnished with leather couches to boost the reading experience. The kind lacking in most of your homes. The type that massages your ego leaving you feeling like a million bucks. You will also be entitled to drinks of your choosing the entire time you will spend in this haven. Be warned, that there will be no cheap liquor.
I have also received complaints about the deplorable conditions of the pavement leading to this site. It is poorly lit like the ones leading to some drab downtown club. Worry no more. From now on, floodlights will illuminate this way. Besides, I will plant flowers on both sides of the sidewalk. I think those yellow-green flowers dotting the village are a perfect pick.
Once you enter this blog, there will be a personal guide to escort you to your seat. Gentlemen will have feisty women for guides while lofty men will handle the ladies.
I know there is a particular lot frowning at me because there is the conspicuous omission of shisha pots in this our joint. Be troubled, not. Just email me your favorite flavors.
What am I forgetting?
I look forward to sharing with you excerpts from my book titled, Pages of Denis. It may not be a New York best seller but one worth a read.
Happy New Year.
God Bless You.